Christmas Jokes & Cool Websites

Below are some interesting websites and some hillarious jokes. I was laughing so hard at one of them that I could barely breathe...but that's probably just me cuz I'm weird like that. Merry Christmas!!


Websites:

If you ever thought your Nutcracker looked too boring, you should check out Pimp My Nutcracker.com This is so friggin cool, especially being able to give the Nutcracker an afro!

Pictures of creative mailboxes can be found at Sam's Mailbox Pictures. Some of these are pretty darn cool.

Here's Bryan Berg's website featuring his playing card sculptures: Card Stacker.com

I found the top two sites at Yahoo's Websites of the Year webpage. Some people have way too much time on their hands.

---

From Comedy Central's Joke of the Day:


Christmas Songs for Shrinks


Schizophrenia: Do You Hear What I Hear?

Multiple Personality: We Three Queens Disoriented Are.

Narcissism: Hark! The Herald Angels Sing About Me!

Dementia: I Think I'll Be Home for Christmas.

Paranoia: Santa Claus is Coming to Town to Get Me.

Mania: Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town.

Depression: Silent Anhedonia, Holy Anhedonia, All is Flat, All is Lonely.

Personality Disorder: You Better Watch Out, I'm Going to Cry, I'm Going to Pout, then maybe I'll tell you why!

Obsessive Compulsive: Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell Swing, Jingle Bell Swing, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell Swing, Jingle Bell Swing, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell Rock

Suicidal: Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire

Passive Aggressive: On the First Day of Christmas My True Love Gave to Me (then took away).


Barbie's Christmas Beau


A little girl is in line to see Santa. When it's her turn, she climbs up on Santa's lap. Santa asks, "What would you like Santa to bring you for Christmas?"
The little girl replies, "I want a Barbie and a G.I. Joe."
Santa looks at the little girl for a moment and says, "I thought Barbie comes with Ken."
"No," said the little girl. "She comes with G.I. Joe, she fakes it with Ken



Proof That Santa Doesn't Exist - For Nerds!


There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the world. However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu, Jewish, or Buddhist (except maybe in Japan) religions, this reduces the workload for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million (according to the population reference bureau). At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that comes to 108 million homes, presuming there is at least one good child in each.

Santa has about 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 967.7 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with a good child, Santa has around 1/1000th of a second to park the sleigh, hop out, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left for him, get back up the chimney, jump into the sleigh and get onto the next house.

Assuming that each of these 108 million stops is evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false, but will accept for the purposes of our calculations), we are not talking about 0.78 miles per household; a total trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting bathroom stops or breaks.

This means Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second - 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man made vehicle, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a pokey 27.4 miles per second, and a conventional reindeer can run (at best) 15 miles per hour. The payload of the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium sized LEGO set (two pounds), the sleigh is carrying over 500 thousand tons, not counting Santa himself. On land, a conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that flying reindeer can pull 10 times the normal amount, the job can't be done with eight or even nine of them -Santa would need 360,000 of them. This increases the payload, not counting the weight of the sleigh, another 54,000 tons, or roughly seven times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth (the ship, not the monarch).

A mass of nearly 600,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance - this would heat up the reindeer in the same fashion as a spacecraft re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer would absorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy per second each. In short, they would burst into flames almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them and creating deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team would be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second, or right about the time Santa reaches the fifth house on his trip. Not that it matters, however, since Santa, as a result of accelerating from a dead stop to 650 m.p.s. in .001 seconds, would be subjected to acceleration forces of 17,000 g's.

A 250 pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim considering all the high calorie snacks he must have consumed over the years) would be pinned to the back of the sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force, instantly crushing his bones and organs and reducing him to a quivering blob of pink goo. Therefore, if Santa did exist, he's dead now. MERRY CHISTMAS!!!


How Santa REALLY Knows!


You'd better watch out,
You'd better not cry,
You'd better not pout;
I'm telling you why.
Santa Claus is tapping
Your phone.

He's bugging your room,
He's reading your mail,
He's keeping a file
And running a tail.
Santa Claus is tapping
Your phone.

He hears you in the bedroom,
Surveills you out of doors,
And if that doesn't get the goods,
Then he'll use provocateurs.

So--you mustn't assume
That you are secure.
On Christmas Eve
He'll kick in your door.
Santa Claus is tapping
Your phone.

These are a few of my favorite things...

I am friggin bored out of my mind tonight, so I thought I'd make a list of my favorite things from 2005 since only 11 days remain of it:

Favorite Movie (Comedy): The 40-Year-Old Virgin (I laughed my ass off quite a bit, as it is one of the best put-together comedies I've seen in a while...even funnier than last year's also-hillarious Mean Girls)

Favorite Movie (Drama): Brokeback Mountain (haven't seen it yet, but based on the story and that Heath Ledger hardly lets me down, I'm pretty sure it will be my fave this year).

Favorite Movie (Action/Drama): Tie between War of the Worlds and Batman Begins

Favorite Movie (Horror): Saw 2. This was much better than the first. I love the psychological aspect of this movie, and the twist at the end fits and is so satisfyingly disturbing. What a great thrill ride (and a great date movie)!

Favorite TV Show: Everwood. I realize that I miss this show and its wonderful setting/characters the most when it's on hiatus. The show that has gotten it right for 4 seasons now. It sucks that it's off the air till March!!! If Edna is the one who dies in April, I will be pissed lol. Now, more people need to buy the Season One DVD collection, so the rest of the seasons will be put on DVD! Lost is a very close second favorite.

Favorite Album: The Killers: Hot Fuss Special Edition There are only 2 songs on this album that are mediocre...the rest is awesome!! I've pretty much worn this album out...it is now my second-favorite next to Dizzy Up the Girl (Goo Goo Dolls). I very much look forward to the next album. And next year sees the release of the Goo Goo Dolls' next album!!

Favorite Purchase: My bike (in hibernation currently)

Favorite City Visited This Year: Savannah, GA. Why I never visited it before this year, I have no clue...but it and all of its recently-restored squares are beautiful. I especially loved doing the late-night Ghost Tour...spooky.

Most Memorable Event: Leaving GA for MI in June...a nice 700-mile road trip with dog and parents along for the move.

Favorite Sport Event: The excellent Wimbledon Womens Finals match between Venus Williams and Lindsay Davenport. I was lucky enough to be able to watch the record-breaking match live in its entirety. Seeing Venus leaping for joy upon claiming her prize is one of the many reasons why I love watching tennis. It is the awesomest sport ever!


If you agree with my picks, you're super cool. If you don't...well, you're not super cool. Ha!

Music Picks (Excellent Taste Guaranteed!)

Thanks to Everwood, I've discovered this excellent indie group. The song that caught my attention, "How it Ends", bookended last week's episode and is amazing. The rest of the album is either similar or very different from the style of this song.

Also thanks to Everwood, I was reminded of this guy. "Lullaby" and "Shimmer" (found on the above album), were played quite a bit during my freshman year of college (1998). I'd forgotten how much I loved those songs back then, so they are now burned into my collection. Also on the album is "You Mean Everything to Me", a wonderful, reflective song.

Another song I heard on Everwood (notice a pattern?) last week is from Lifehouse's latest album: "You and Me". Part of me is a sucker for angst-filled songs like this one, and it is truly awesome. I also think the lyrics are ones most can relate to at least once in their love lives.

Since I don't listen to the radio much, I have to rely on tv shows, friends, and VH1 to keep me updated on good music. One song that can be retired, though, is "Let it Snow".

Georgia Trip

I'm currently in sunny, warm (compared to Michigan) Georgia, preparing to depart in a few hours. It's been a FUN jam-packed trip, for sure, but I got to see almost everyone I wanted to see (sorry, Shane, Shawn, and Daniel!! You guys can try to kick my ass at a later date).

I got to spend time with some old friends, part of which included a game where I had to actually sing lyrics of a few songs (even a friggin Madonna song!! AND the Oscar Meyer jingle) --I hope to never see that bizarre game again lol. At least Tim got a nice laugh out of it all.

Another highlight was actually being able to see the GA Aquarium with the fam. It's not the most spectacular thing out there, but it does have some amazing sights to behold. We also visited the also-new Atlantic Station (a living/shopping community). How awesome it would be to be able to afford to live in a loft there!! All my fave stores and a kick-ass cinema just a walk away! And Centennial Olympic Park is just a few miles down the road. No gym yet, though...

Here are some of the pictures from the Aquarium (not my best, but what can ya do with glass and "no-flash-photography" in dimly-lit corridors?):

The outside of the Aquarium.

My mom in possession of my camera. Notice that she actually caught the whale shark coming around in the window! I always wanted to be in a pic with a whale shark!!

The huge viewing window, where the whale sharks swam around to show off their blubber.

Dad (on the left) and I are watching the fish do their thing...it's kinda mesmerizing. (Mom's in possession of the camera again here...that's TWO turnovers already!)

I believe that's a fleet of rays and an ugly fish.

One of the whale sharks (the unpopular one...cuz he doesn't have near as many fish friends as his cohort).

The popular whale shark (he/she was always surrounded by a yellow school of fish).

Another shot of the popular whale shark and his/her entourage.

African penguins...and I thought all penguins liked to be chilly. Funny that they are found in the Chilly section of the Aquarium. They were fun to watch, though!

The extraterrestrial-looking beluga whales. They loved putting on a show (like dolphins), doing lots of flips.

Since every other family was getting their picture taken at the waterfall, why not mine too?

My Alma Mater

I'm feeling nostalgic, so I thought I'd post some pics of where I went to college: Berry College. These pictures capture only a fraction of the beautiful landscape there...I dare you to find a more captivating college campus. And there is still one area of the college I haven't yet seen: the House of Dreams hidden away deep in the forests of the college (I did try but could not find the way...of course). Here are some pics:




The old so-called Gate of Opportunity (aka entrance to the college).

---

The Ford Buildings and a Reflection Pool--Henry Ford and Martha Berry liked to play peekaboo under the sheets.

---

The Ford Auditorium and another Reflection Pool.

---

Frost Chapel (on Mountain Campus, 3 miles from Main Campus), where many couples return to get married. Also, one of the rituals is that the freshmen roll down the hill on the first night of orienation.

---

Swan Lake on Mountain Campus. Their names are Myrna and Bernard...actually, I never asked them. There is also an extremely ugly duck that lives in the same pond...hmm...

---

The Reservoir, a short hike from Mountain Campus. I still don't know what the little building is for...perhaps a control center? Or a hermit's dwelling?

---

The Old Mill, another short hike from Mountain Campus. One of my most favorite spots on campus...it was especially fun to ride the wheel!! What? Is that a look of disbelief I detect??

Snow Pictures

I sometimes get into picture-taking moods, and since I was up so damn early this morning, I thought I'd go out and find some undisturbed snow scenes. I think we got 4 inches of snow (about 4 times the amount Atlanta gets in one winter! lol). And for the first time in about a week, the sun is shining in a sea of royal blue sky!! It is a beautiful day, for sure. Here are the pics:

This is a bridge (for any of you who haven't seen one before) in the park about a half-mile or so from my apartment.

---

This is the road leading to a parking lot. Notice by my footprints that I have a hard time walking in a straight line...I really shouldn't have had that screwdriver with my eggs...

---

My footprints when I took my shoes off...or maybe not. I'm really not sure what made those prints. Either a really big animal or a three-legged rabbit. Feel free to enlighten me if you're a snow-footprint expert!

---

The parking lot. See the blue sky breaking through the clouds? Ain't it purdy?

---

That's the scene that greeted me when I looked out my bedroom window at 7am. Winter wonderland indeed.

Snow White

The first real snowfall is here...we're supposed to get about 1-3 inches of snow. It's been snowing all day, and fortunately, I haven't really had to travel anywhere today. The roads don't look that bad, but people are driving as if it's a dry, sunny day, causing accidents galore. I took my dog on a walk this afternoon, and it really is beautiful outside. Too bad there's no one around (that I know) to pelt with a good snowball!!

And I just burned my finger removing chicken from the oven...OUCH!!

White Thanksgiving

From CNN.com's Offbeat Images...I think it might be time for that family to throw away their pumpkin. I've been around pumpkins when they begin to rot, and they sure don't smell like roses. Yuck!!

---

In the News:

Getting drunk was just the beginning for this poor guy: Bad Day

So the top car picked for 2006 isn't a Mini, but it is a car that a couple of my friends drive: 2006 Top Car

---

Website:

Want to hear and rate some of the most annoying sounds out there? Check out this website created by a research center: Bad Vibes The crying baby did it for me.

---

So we're supposed to get some snow here over the next few days...should be interesting. Sierra won't know what to do! Thanksgiving will be weird without being with my family. I didn't think I'd feel as lonely as I'm starting to feel...lol. Oh well...Friday will be here soon enough. I'll just find some good movies to rent while my friends are out of town and of course, work out quite a bit. And maybe some drinks!!! I DO have a bottle of Southern Comfort to finish off...hmmm... YEAH...that's sounding better and better by the minute. And this ends this entry cuz I say so.

Oh and the lyrics for "White Thanksgiving" go like this: I'm dreaming of a white Thanksgiving. With every turkey that I smoke. .....

Snow, Martha Stewart's Holiday To-Do List, & More!

Yesterday marked the first snowfall for the fall-winter season up here, and it is snowing as I type this. Now, I know many people up here see these white flakes as being sent straight from Hell to make their lives miserable, but I still enjoy watching it fall. There's something very serene about it...so quiet, so peaceful. If you put aside what might happen if you aren't careful driving in it, it really is a very beautiful event. I'd take it over freezing rain any day, something I think the South sees more of than the North.

Some have told me I will hate it here this winter...well, the jury's not even deliberating on it yet, so we shall see.

---

In the News:

How would you feel if someone tried to murder your favorite vegetable? Here's an article about an innocent radish that almost saw the white light: Radish Recovering After Murder Attempt

Unfortunately, a sparrow in Amsterdam wasn't so lucky. Let this be a lesson to other sparrows: don't go anywhere near domino-fanatics (maybe all other species should heed that warning too!) -- Sparrow Shot for Downing Domino Record Bid

---

From Comedy Central's Joke of the Day:


Martha Stewart's Holiday To-Do List


December 1 - Blanch carcass from Thanksgiving turkey. Spray paint gold, turn upside down and use as a sleigh to hold Christmas cards.

December 2 - Have Mormon Tabernacle Choir record outgoing Christmas message for answering machine.

December 3 - Using candlewick and hand-gilded miniature pine cones, fashion a cat-o-nine-tails. Flog gardener.

December 4 - Repaint Sistine Chapel ceiling in ecru, with mocha trim.

December 5 - Get new eyeglasses. Grind lenses myself.

December 6 - Fax family Christmas newsletter to Pulitzer committee for consideration.

December 7 - Debug Windows '2000

December 10 - Align carpets to adjust for curvature of Earth.

December 11 - Lay Faberge egg.

December 12 - Take dog apart. Disinfect. Reassemble.

December 13 - Collect dentures. They make excellent pastry cutters, particularly for decorative pie crusts.

December 14 - Install plumbing in gingerbread house.

December 15 - Replace air in mini-van tires with Glade "Holiday Scents" in case tires are shot out at mall.

December 17 - Child proof the Christmas tree with garland of razor wire.

December 19 - Adjust legs of chairs so each Christmas dinner guest will be the same height when sitting at his or her assigned seat.

December 20 - Dip sheep and cows in egg whites and roll in confectioner's sugar to add a festive sparkle to the pasture.

December 21 - Drain city reservoir; refill with mulled cider, orange slices and cinnamon sticks.

December 22 - Float votive candles in toilet tank.

December 23 - Seed clouds for white Christmas. Festoon windows with worthless stock.

December 24 - Do my annual good deed. Go to several stores. Be seen engaged in last minute Christmas shopping, thus making many people feel less inadequate than they really are.

December 25 - Bear son. Swaddle. Lay in color-coordinated manger scented with homemade potpourri.

December 26 - Organize spice racks by genus and phylum.

December 27 - Build snowman in exact likeness of God.

December 31 - New Year's Eve! Give staff their resolutions. Call a friend in each time zone of the world as the clock strikes midnight in that country.

My World, Salmon Soda, Eyeball-eating Ants, and More!

Happy Birthday to my granddad, who is 78 years old...very hard to believe. He's one of my favorite people...I used to be his "errand buddy" many many years ago, and much of my sense of humor comes from him. Hopefully, he'll be around for many more years.

So it's going to be another windy night here. The thunder is rolling, and I am sitting here all alone at work (if you want to kidnap me, now's your chance!!). I am also being stared down by a strange-looking beetle. I hope it comes in peace and doesn't think I am a cool new texture for him to try his legs out on.

Harry Potter's latest film comes out on Friday, though I won't be able to see it till Saturday. Oh man! I'm gonna miss all the crazy, dressed up people...dammit. heh heh I read that it is 2.5 hours long (which makes sense since the book is almost 1000 pages long), and I am sure it will be quite entertaining!! YEAH!!

This isn't an essay paper, so who cares that the above 3 paragraphs have no relation whatsoever...if you have a problem with my format, go punch your favorite orange barrell.

---

In the News:

First up, Jones Soda has a fresh new flavor to quench your thirst: salmon!!! Mmmmm...move aside, Cherry Coke; I have a new favorite!

So ants are never fun at picnics or in your kitchen, but could you imagine having them take a liking to your eyeball?! Ants Eat Away Woman's Eye in Hospital

At a Barnes and Noble in Alaska, readers got a surprise when a woman crashed her car into the store. What's even crazier is that the store remained open the rest of the day: Crash Into a Good Book

---

Website:

Someone got really bored to make up this website...it's literally a mirror-image of the Google search page: elgooG

---

Sports:

Michigan pretty much slaughtered Indiana on Sat. (41-14), making it a not-so-exciting game to watch. This weekend, Ohio State comes to town to continue possibly the biggest rivalry in all of college football. Also, I've heard that based upon the outcomes of the games Sat., Michigan could face Georgia for the first time ever in a bowl game. Now that would be fun.

Humongous Shopping Cart, a $100,000 bill, and More!

From Yahoo News Photos: "This photo supplied by Guinness World Records shows Edd China talking to a shopper while driving his way into Guinness World Records book in Henley-upon-Thames, England,Tuesday, Nov. 8, 2005, after engineering what the book calls the largest motorized shopping cart in the world. The 11.4 feet tall, 9.8 feet long and 5.9 feet wide cart was created to celebrate the book's self-proclaimed first ever Guinness World Records Day on Wednesday Nov. 9, 2005. Edd is also currently featured in the Guinness World Records 2006 edition book for his record for the World's Fastest Sofa.(AP Photo/Guinness World Records/Tim Anderson)" This ain't your typical Kroger shopping cart.

---

In the News:

Two articles I ran across today involve bras. One lady used hers as a way of smuggling a parrot out of her workplace (poor Polly got to be an unwilling bosom buddy): Bird in a Bra. And the other article involves heated bras (hot chicks, for sure!)

Hillsdale, Michigan has a new mayor, and he's a high school senior. Forget student council: 18-Year-Old Mayor

---

This is what I found in the parking lot yesterday!!! Ok..maybe not...I did find an interesting Q&A on Yahoo (of course) about the largest denominations of US currency used: Ask Yahoo What's in your wallet? Sorry, I couldn't resist.

Oh, and apparently, this is my 25th post...do I get a prize from Blogger?

Married Pandas, Grenadeball, and More

In the News:

Gay marriage is frowned upon throughout most of the world, but if you're a panda, you're in luck: Two Pandas Tie the Knot

Funny in a morbid way, which makes these guys candidates for a Darwin Award:
Playing Catch with a Grenade. If you haven't heard of the Darwin Awards, here's the website: Darwin Awards - definitely something to check out if you get a kick out of reading the dumbest ways to die.

I found this article informing AND humorous...I didn't realize that ostriches were so damn fast at 43 mph top speed...that's twice as fast as most drivers over the age of 70!! Ostrich on a Rampage

---

Random Website:

Nicolas Lampert is an artist; Nicolas Lampert is a really weird artist. Take a look at some of his "meatscapes" and machine-animal collages: The Artwork of Nicolas Lampert

---

From Comedy Central's Joke of the Day:

Redneck Computer Lingo


Log On: Makin' the wood stove hotter.

Log Off: Don't add no wood.

Monitor: Keepin' an eye on the wood stove.

Download: Gettin' the firewood off the pickup.

Mega Hertz: When yer not careful downloadin'.

Floppy Disk: Whatcha git from pilin' too much firewood.

Ram: The hydrolic thingy that splits the firewood.

Hard Drive: Gettin' home in the winter season.

Prompt: What you wish the mail was in the winter.

Windows: What to shut when it's below 15 below.

Screen: What 'cha need for the black fly season.

Byte: That's what the flies do.

Chip: What to munch on.

Micro Chip: What's left in the bottom of the bag.

Infrared: Where the left-overs go when Fred's around.

Modem: What 'cha did to the hay fields.

Dot Matrix: Farmer Matrix's wife.

Lap Top: Where little kids feel comfy.

Keyboard: Where ya hang your keys.

Software: Them plastic eatin' utensils.

Mouse: Whats eats the horses grain.

Main Frame: Hold up the barn roof.

Port: Fancy wine.

Enter: C'mon in.

Random Access Memory: You can't remember whatcha' paid for that new rifle when your wife asks.

Glued Genitals, Drunk Moose, Pinqy, and More!

According to forecasters, we're supposed to have some strong thunderstorms late tonight...woohoo!! We have had way too few of these this year. If I should get struck by lightning or get a hail stone lodged in my eye, I will retract the "woohoo!" remark, ok? More wind tomorrow too...that means I don't have to brush my hair, right???

---

Some interesting articles and a website I found today:

This is why I don't date women: Jury Rules Against Woman in Genital Gluing

Bullwinkle and Friend Get Smashed (not the article's headline heh heh)

Looking for a Christmas present for the guy/girl who has everything? How about a Pinqy! It's the world's smallest fire extinguisher, and I bet it can provide hours of fun!

---

The Georgia Aquarium opens on November 23, and time permitting, I may try to go see it when I'm in GA next month. Here's a pic of the whale shark attraction from CNN.com:

And I have to share that FINALLY, I can return to the gym after 2.5 weeks!!!! My left tricep is fully healed, I think...and I've learned my lesson on when NOT to drop the dumbbells while on a decline bench.

Gone With the Wind

Step outside, strap on your sail, and you'll go far, my friend! There's a gentle breeze blowing out there...winds from 24 mph, maybe even gusting up to 50 mph (according to weather.com)!! I went out to Kroger this morning and had to fight the wind to be able to get out of the car lol. And while driving, the wind kicked up a small whirlwind of leaves, obscuring my view for a bit...but it was kinda cool!

I took Sierra out a little while ago, and she didn't seem to enjoy the wind as much as I did. I love this!! We walked over to the lake, and there are ducks just sitting still in the water, managing the wind just fine. They probably don't give a quack about all the wind.

Sports:

How bout them Wolverines??? They were awesome yesterday. The Canadian Cuckoos didn't stand a chance...77 to 0. Wait...I've just been informed that this game occurred within the goal posts of my mind...damn. So they will be back in action Saturday at home, and next week is the big Ohio State game (which means Ann Arbor will be full of crazy Ohio people, so hide your kids and get out your rifles heh heh)!

I Got Jokes

From Comedy Central's Joke of the Day:

Give or Take a Gazillion

Donald Rumsfeld is briefing president Bush: "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed."

"Oh no!" exclaims the president, "that's terrible!"

His staff is stunned at this unprecedented display of emotion, watching as Bush sits, head in hands.

Finally, he looks up and asks, "How many is a brazillion?"


The President''s Puzzle

Dick Cheney walks into the Oval Office and sees The President whooping and hollering.

"What's the matter, Mr. President?" The Vice President inquired.

"Nothing at all, boss. I just done finished a jigsaw puzzle in record time!" The President beamed.

"How long did it take you?"

"Well, the box said '3 to 5 Years' but I did it in a month!"

---

In the News:

Check out this Halloween Trick-or-Treat gone wrong: Italian Halloween (funny in a black comedy type way)

Here's an article about a hungry pizzeria burglar.

Halloween Rocks!!!

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!

My favorite holiday is here...didn't get to dress up this year since Flagstar doesn't permit it...oh well. Next year, I am going to do my best to have a small party so I can dress up!! lol By the way, the picture above is from CNN.com's Offbeat Images--handcrafted gourds (non-orange non-pumpkins, for you slow people). Yep, I made them...now you know how talented I am..I modeled them after someone I saw at the movies the other day. heh heh

Movies:

I went to see Saw II Sat. night...much better than I was expecting. Great psychological thriller for sure...with a dash of blood...ok, ok...maybe more than a dash. Tobin Bell is excellent as the demented Jigsaw serial killer, and the twist-ed ending is wonderful and gels completely. The opening scene with the guy trying to cut his eyeball out to save himself from Jigsaw's "game" is probably the most disturbing scene in the film. I was anxious throughout the movie, which is what I crave from a good thriller/horror flick. This is not just another gore movie, but it's definitely not for the squeamish.

I got to finish the weekend off with a viewing of Aliens, thanks to Jason. An older sci-fi thriller I hadn't seen yet. Sigourney Weaver is one of my favorite actresses, and she kicks some alien ass in this movie...YEAH!! This movie holds up well after 20 years...and the aliens are deliciously menacing-looking. I look forward to seeing Alien 3 someday. I've discovered quite a few movies that I want to see...so I guess it's almost time to resurrect my Blockbuster online account.

This weekend, we've got Chicken Little coming out...it looks hillarious. From the previews, I love the turkey's showdown with the alien, where he keeps trying to offer the alien something to not be killed...zap! "Tic tac?" lol

---

Outdoors:

I took the above photo on Berkshire in Ann Arbor, kinda near the Arboretum, yesterday. Yesterday was such a wonderful day to be outside, and I spent quite a bit of time in and around the Arb...lots of beautiful sights to behold. Sierra at least humored me...well, she didn't have much choice, I guess... It was a great father-daughter bonding experience. And the temperature was nice as well...60 degrees...sigh...that's perfect in my book.

---

Sports:

The Wolverines picked up their 3rd win in a row Sat. night, giving the Wildcats a few good slashes on their home turf. 33-17 Up next is Indiana on Nov. 12th, then the big season-closing game vs. Ohio State. GO BLUE!!!!

---

Stupid is as Stupid Does Update:

Bush just loves causing waves, doesn't he? Well, wouldn't you if you were used to swinging around in trees all day looking for bananas? Another stellar Supreme Court nominee, eh? Way to try to bring both parties together, Curious George...it will be interesting to see if ultra-conservative Alito makes it. Filibuster, anyone?

Killers, Gilmores, Potty Elmo, and MORE!!!

Although the album was first released last year, I discovered it for myself this year. There is something about this group that has gotten under my skin. "Mr. Brightside" has been all over the place...radio, VH1/MTV, etc. and is now one of my favorite songs. The lyrics involve a broken heart and jealousy as the guy must watch his ex move on with another man...very passionate song, in my opinion. And I love the lead's voice (Brandon Flowers) as well as the accompaniment. Every time I hear this song, it sends a good chill up my spine...it resonates...much like hearing "Iris" by the Goo Goo Dolls or "The Scientist" by Coldplay.

Most of the rest of the album ain't that bad either...definitely worth the purchase or download. So stop spending money on noise-makers like Britney Spears and the Pussycat Dolls, and start supporting those who actually produce kick-ass music!! lol


In other news....has anyone seen the latest and greatest toy for kids?? Well, who knows how long it's been out on the market..but I saw it on Saturday: Potty Elmo!! If you haven't seen it, basically, it's Elmo sitting on a toilet with his pants around his knees...if that isn't scary enough, try squeezing him in the designated area (I left it ambiguous for you dirty...er, fun-minded people). "Elmo go potty!" (followed by a flushing sound..and he says other stuff that I forget). I'm sure it's a good learning tool for the knee-highs who currently enjoy doing it in the convenience of their own pants. Just funny to see...

SPORTS:

So, Michigan won (23-20) in OT...YEAH!!! And now they are back in the AP Ranking at #25. Sure, they're not at their best, but they aren't doing as bad as some expected. They just like last-minute heroics a little too much for my taste...give a man a heart-attack, why don't you???

My pro-football team won as well last night...the Falcons flew higher than the Jets with 27-14 being the final score. Booyah!!

In tennis, Lindsay Davenport is back on top in the women's world rankings with Sharapova and Clijsters not far behind. Woohoo!! While my man, Ginepri, is now #15 in the men's rankings...he won't be the underdog for too much longer.

Tonight is Game 3 of the World Series...I think the Astros will win tonight..just because there's no way they will let 3-in-a-row go. They will pull out all the stops tonight to let the White Sox know they're not going down without a fight. BUT the White Sox will be the ultimate victors, for sure.

TV:

The Gilmore Girls are on tonight...and while I like Rory living with Richard and Emily, I can't wait till she and Lorelai reunite and mend fences. One of my favorite tv moments occurred the week before last when Emily told off Logan's imperious mother with a eat-shit-and-die smile and a deceptively sweet-toned voice...such an awesome monologue from my favorite character of the show. I actually let out a whoop! like I was watching a game. lol Since I'm a dork, I found the monologue in print on tvguide.com and have decided to paste it here...it's worth a read but even more fun to see:

EMILY: Ah, yes. Well, let me tell you this, Shira — we are just as good as you. You don't think Rory is good enough for your son? As if we don't know Logan's reputation? We do. But he is welcome in our home anytime, and you should extend the same courtesy to Rory.… Now, let's talk about "your" money. You were a two-bit gold digger, fresh off the bus from Hicksville, when you met Mitchum at whatever bar you happened to stumble into. And what made Mitchum decide to choose you to marry amongst the pack of women he was bedding at the time, I'll never know, but hats off to you for bagging him. He's still a playboy, you know. Well, of course you know. That would explain why your weight goes up and down 30 lbs. every other month, but that's your cross to bear. But these are ugly realities. No one needs to talk about them. Those kids are staying together as long as they like. You won't stop them. Now enjoy the event.

Tonight, Madeline Albright will be guesting on the show...and Rory turns 21...and Richard and Emily realize she's been having s-e-x. Should be fun... This show still rocks. If you don't watch it, tune in at 8pm (and rent/buy the first 4 seasons).

Wow...this blog post is almost as long as a Harry Potter book.......bye...

The Buffy at Work Program

How cool is this: we have two tv's hanging from the ceiling here at the bank...and we have a DVD player connected to them...and a surround sound system. That's just the beginning...take that and add to it that I can bring in any DVD when I'm here alone (as I am now). So I am watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer right now at work...THAT is the really cool part!!! Booyah!!!

So tonight, I'm going to try for a corn maze again...since last weekend, the one in Dundee closed an hour earlier than their website indicated (AND they didn't accept credit cards). I'm not going back to that one because of the repressed-lesbian bitch who knows customer service like a wrestler knows rocket science. No offense, wrestlers...I don't know rocket science either.

The rest of the weekend looks like rain, according to forecasters...but at least I have football and the World Series to keep me occupied!! I can also kick my ass at the gym too!

I've run out of things to say now...

Fruity Hurricanes & Natural Disasters

Today, Wilma will become more than Fred Flintstone's prehistoric wife...she will become this season's 12th hurricane (talk about evolution!). The storm formed just a couple days ago and is also the 21st named storm this hurricane season, tying the record established in 1933. Unfortunately, it looks like Wilma is going to make her way into the Gulf of Mexico, where she will most likely do like Rita, Katrina, and Dennis and grow immensely. But anything can happen between now and then...

Meanwhile, the season still has 6 weeks left (ending November 30th), and should a 22nd storm form, it will be given the name Alpha, as the current name lists only allow for 21 storms. Any beyond 21 are assigned Greek letters in alphabetical order, naturally. Personally, I think the Greek letters sound much cooler than people names. Let's face it, who wants to know that their name is also the name of a hurricane that wreaked havoc? And Hurricane Omega just sounds so much better than Hurricane Ophelia or Opus. Or maybe we could do like Gwynth Paltrow and name the storms after fruit: Hurricane Apple...Hurricane Banana...Hurricane Pineapple...Hurricane Tomato. I'd love to see forecasters and the media saying "Hurricane Grapefruit is now a Category 3 storm..." Oh man...I'm cracking myself up...

Being serious again, it seems some people have decided that the numerous natural disasters lately are the result of an angry God...that the Apocalpyse is near. While that is very optimistic and makes me feel all warm and happy, it's not quite accurate, in my opinion. Remember, people used to think thunder storms were the gods fighting in the heavens. Take a look at this article about our perception that natural disasters seem much more common and why that may seem so: Natural Disasters Becoming More Common Food for thought...

Alright, time for me to finish my yogurt and start this day...YEAH!!

Bush: the Early Years

Little Georgie doesn't know how to play nice with his new friend.

This picture from CNN.com's Offbeat Images cracked me up for some reason...isn't it remarkable how much the little monkey looks and acts like a certain president of ours? Look at its eyes...isn't that the same lost look Bush has most of the time??

Getting Lost, an Autobiography (or not)

Alright...we're 12 days into my favorite month of the year. The temperature is much, much cooler (I hear a jingle in my head from a gum commercial)...but I love it!!

Already, I've rented some creepy movies (Alien, The Exorcist, and Phantasm...more to come). Last weekend, I went to the Wiard's Haunted Hayride with one of my good friends. That was so much fun...I thought the hayride was well-done, creeps and all. The beautiful moon- and star-lit sky and cool, Fall air added to the enjoyment as well. And hey, I didn't fall out of the wagon or get whapped by a tree branch...woohoo!!! Tho, that guy who jumped out of the crate scared the shit out of me...as did the dragon head that popped out of the trees lol. I highly recommend it..and I'm sure all of the other haunted activities at Wiard's are fun too..I'll be going back next year for sure.

Next up, it's maze time!! This weekend or next I hope to take on Farmer J's Corn Maze in Dundee. I have a pic of it at the top of this post. Is that the shit or what?!?! WOW...I hope whoever goes with me has a better sense of direction than I do..and can handle trivia questions...otherwise, it'll be a loooong time out there. I can't wait!! It's located behind Cabela's, so maybe that can be part of the day as well.

LOST

Tonight is Lost night (9:00, ABC)...for those of you who aren't hooked on this incredible, kick-ass show...well, you are missing out. Not watching it is like going years without bananas...it's THAT good. The characters are intriguing, the plot is compelling, and the mysteries and clues are compounding faster than the interest in my customers' accounts. So get Lost...I always have good taste...trust me.

So...where is the French lady? Will she and on-the-run Desmond run into each other in the jungle and make like Tarzan and Jane?? What about The Others...are they a part of the original group that started the experiments? What is REALLY going on with that hatch..and are there more? Will Locke and Jack have to keep pressing that damn button every 108 minutes? I think not...so I guess we will find out what happens when it isn't pressed...hmmm. Damn...perhaps I'm a bit too obsessed with this show?? lol

Like how the Lost part of my entry and the Maze part both fit the "getting lost" theme? Yeah..me too...so maybe I should do that now...

Mini Expansion and Today's Sport Events!

I am currently at work on this cloudy, cool Saturday. I just finished with my fifth customer of the day (I've been here since 8), and I am all alone...apparently, my cohort forgot to show up. Am I upset? Hell no...like I can't handle this deluge of customers...I suppose it's a security risk for no one else to be here in case I am robbed...and if someone should for some reason come in for a loan or if I need supervisor approval, I guess I'm outta luck. lol No problem, tho...cuz the lobby closes at 12...and then I sit here til 4:15 handling all the nobodies who come through the drive-thru. Good thing I brought a movie to watch on our hanging-tvs. OR I could watch the Michigan game!!

Also, I read that BMW is thinking about releasing new styles of the Mini in the US...in addition to the wonderful Cooper. Of course, they say it would have to be small in whatever category they venture into next (station wagon, pick-up, and off-road are mentioned as possibilities). If I were willing to part with the vehicle I have currently, I would definitely choose a Mini, hands-down. I love the Cooper immensely...who cares that I would look hillarious in such a small car?? It would be fun...

Check out the full article on the future of Mini: Ready for a Mini SUV?

SPORTS:

The Braves play tonight in Houston in Game 3 of their playoff series...the Astros took them out in Game 1 (10-5); they slammed the Astros in Game 2 (7-1)...so anything can happen...I'm pullilng for my tomahawk-choppers. The game starts at 7:35pm on Fox.

Michigan faces Minnesota at home today at 1 pm. With this year's unstable team, all bets are off, especially with the Gophers being 4-1. Hopefully, the Blue will come to the field today as they did last week against the Spartans. At least they are back in the AP Top 25 Ranking.

In tennis, my man, Robby Ginepri (#19), lost his latest tournament (the AIG Japan Open)...I'm just waiting for the day when he makes it big...cuz I know he will. Plus, he's very nice to look at. heh heh. Davenport (#2) and Mauresmo (#4) will face each other in the Tashkent Open finals...hopefully, Davenport will send the French fry packing.

Goblins, witches, and Bush's...oh my!!

October is one of my favorite months...mainly because of Halloween, the cooling weather, and the beautiful fall foliage. Whoever says Halloween is just for kids is wrong...it's not Trix or blue Ketchup.

Those who don't celebrate Halloween or take advantage of all the fun activities out there are missing out! First of all, you get the opportunity to dress up as something completely out of the ordinary; second, you can get the shit scared out of you at well-done haunted houses, haunted outdoor mazes (corn or shrubs), haunted hayrides, etc.; third, you can enjoy some of the year's best parties; fourth, scary/cheesy horror movies! Usually, those with a vivid imagination enjoy Halloween the most.

I'm going to Wiards Orchard this weekend to try out their Halloween extravaganza...http://www.nightterrors.biz/ Check out their website if you are in Michigan...sounds like some cool stuff going on there. I may try out another maze next weekend. Then, if possible, I'd like to go to Cedar Point. Woohoo!!

Some horror movies I love are: Alien, Aliens, Nightmare on Elm Street, Halloween (a MUST), The Others (great Nicole Kidman flick), Phantasm, The Ring, The Exorcist, Poltergeist, The Grudge, 28 Days Later, Scream, and The Sixth Sense. I'm sure I left a few out..but these will for sure give you some good creeps.

Ok...I'm tired of typing now...it's gonna be another fun October!! Yep yep.

Brave be thy Potter Fan

So I'm sitting here at work with one more hour to go...all by myself...watching the Braves-Astros playoffs game, which is disappointing me, big time. I thought the Braves had a chance to win this game, but now it looks like I was wrong...Hudson and Bennett seem unable to pitch effectively..and the Braves' offense is not too great against the Astros' pitchers tonight. Perhaps Smoltz's return to the mound tomorrow night will help redeem the Braves and tie up the series. Here's hoping!!

Dork alert time...

I finished the latest Harry Potter super-gigantic novel, which was excellent! Still, not as good as my favorite (The Prisoner of Azkaban, which the movie adaptation did not completely do justice to). As always, I enjoyed the fact that I was surprised once again in the end. Being perhaps a little too kind to the character of Snape during the series, I was thrown for a loop when he was revealed to actually be a traitor AND the Half-blood Prince (who I thought would be Voldemort). And he killed Dumbledore!!!! That bastard...

I also felt a little bad that I believed Dumbledore to be Voldemort in disguise most of the way through the book...and his death and the ending chapters definitely toyed with my emotions. Harry's last true protector (following his parents and Sirius Black) is gone...and he will have to continue the arduous mission of finding and eliminating the Horcruxes (and then Voldemort) alone. Book 7, the final in the series, has a wonderful set up, and I can't wait however long it takes J.K. Rowling to spit it out! Geez oh man...will Hogwarts reopen after the death of its headmaster? And who the hell is R.A.B., and how did he/she know about the Horcruxes too?? I don't see how anyone can NOT love these books...

Ok...dork time is over...I can't wait for the temps outside to go back down...this mid-80s mess is cramping my style and should be confined to the South this time of year. Bring on Fall!

Oh man...the Braves game is just too sad to watch now...losing 10-3...I have faith that they will play better in Game 2. YEAH!!!!

Thanks for reading my blog...I've got to go trim some armpit hair...shhhh..don't tell my manager! heh heh

My Movie Picks...and Go Blue!!

MOVIES:

Ok...I went to see Flight Plan last night, a movie I've been anticipating for a while (cuz Jodie Foster is awesome!), and it didn't disappoint. First of all, what a kick-ass plane that was...sweet-lookin bar, 2-levels, and it actually looked comfy. Wow. Second, I liked the plot and acting...of course, Jodie carries it...she's the wo-man! I enjoy seeing her in action MUCH more than I do Fish-lips Jolie and Fish-lips wannabe Fantastic Four girl, whose name I can't remember. And to think the writers originally intended a man to play the part of Kyle...till Ms. Foster expressed an interest in the part.

Anyway, go see this movie...if you haven't. Also, while I'm at it, if you haven't seen The Constant Gardener, see it too...no one's said much about it (except raving critics), but it's a very intelligent political thriller. It will leave you thinking about certain hush-hush policies of national governments and perhaps infuriate you in a way.

More good-looking movies are coming up:

• Brokeback Mountain (which likely won't be released around here...perhaps in the State Theater or Michigan Theater..i HOPE). This is a movie set back a couple of decades, revolving around two cowboys who fall in love. They think what they feel is wrong and attempt to each carry on as if they are straight, getting married, having families...but they can't deny their true feelings. From what I've heard, this looks to be a very powerful love story, which I hope won't be labeled a "gay movie", despite its characters. The movie stars Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal and will originally be released Dec. 9th.
• Serenity - Following up on the short-lived tv series, Firefly, this movie continues the saga of that space crew. Why will this be good? Because the tv series was excellent...because Joss Whedon (creator of Buffy and Angel) directed/wrote it...'nough said!! This will be a campy, fun, kick-ass movie that will be a great investment of your movie $$'s. I can't wait for this, personally. It will be released next Fri. Sept. 30th.
• Pride and Prejudice - This year's rendition looks wonderful...it might be this year's best romance movie...we'll see. And when better to see a romance movie than when it's starting to get cold, eh? Releases November 18th.
• Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - What more can I say? This is my second-favorite book in the series, so I'm hoping the movie will do it justice. And I will definitely be going to see this one at the latest-at-night showing possible to avoid being puked on by little kids. Also releases November 18th.
• The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe - I've always loved C.S. Lewis' Narnia saga and hope that the movie series will capture the land of Narnia as magnificently as the Lord of the Rings movies did Middle Earth. Releases December 9th.

SPORTS:

In other news, Michigan plays Wisconsin today...they've had no trouble with Wisconsin in a while...will today be different, or will they simply add another tick mark to the wall? We'll see...next week, they'll face a fierce Michigan State, which took out Notre Dame last week and is 4-0, after today's game against Illinois. I think next Sat. will be a helluva game...blood will be spilled, and the Wolverines will have to fight hard to give the Spartans their first loss this season. Tonight's game vs. Wisconsin begins at 6pm....next week's big game begins at 12pm at Michigan State. Get the popcorn ready...

More storms forming in the Atlantic

This post confirms what a dork I am...just a warning. I was reading over at Weather.com that the next tropical storm has formed: Philippe. It is the 16th named storm of the season, making it the earliest 16th storm in recorded history. It is currently near the Lesser Antilles.

As if that weren't enough, Tropical Depression No. 18 has formed as well and will likely become Rita, the 17th named storm (obviously) of the season. It is projected to head toward southern FL and the FL keys by early next week.

And two other systems in the Atlantic are being watched for further development. The forecasters who said that this would be a highly active hurricane season can pat themselves on the back.

This hurricane could continue to make history...some experts expect for the current name list to be exhausted before the end of the season (ending in Nov.). After the last name, Wilma,is used, I believe that Greek letters are used to name any following storms of tropical storm intensity.

Yeah, I know hurricanes don't play nice with people...but I do find them fascinating anyway...the way they form, how they grow, how they sustain their mass until landfall...amazing. Ok..that's all she wrote. I warned you...I'm a dork!! HA

I am almost trained! Booyah!!

So tomorrow is my last day of training for my new job at Flagstar. While I've enjoyed getting to know the other new-hires, I won't miss the 1 hour drive to and from the corporate office in Troy. At least I'll get compensated by the bank for my traveling!! I finally get to go to my office tomorrow afternoon. It feels great to be working at a bank again...and at a higher level than I was in GA. Scary...heh heh.

The corporate office is sweet...nicely decorated...we get to use key cards to get access to various areas of the building...I'm easily amused, so I really love this part! It's fun to wave that card at the receivers outside the doors. Woohoo!!

My trainer is insane but great! She has plenty of corny jokes for me to stockpile and unleash on random people. Much better training than what I received at my old bank (even though I enjoyed working there very much)...I feel quite ready to take on my new position. And it'll be nicer to have a slower-paced environment than what I was used to in Roswell.

Christina, the trainer, joked that I must feel lucky to be the only guy in the class of 9. Yeah...I've let her go on thinking that. lol It's just great when they get into discussions about what's in their purses or who is the best stylist...or what diet is best. I felt my testosterone levels sinking over the last week and a half. I may be gay, but I am not a woman! But they are really nice and fun. Hopefullly, I'll see them again in future classes or wherever.

Did I mention how I can't wait to not have to drive all the way to Troy (having to get up at 5:30 too!)?? Monday, I will only have a 15-20 min. drive to work...it'll be wonderful. And even better, at this bank, I only have to wear a tie once a week. AWESOME!! My neck loves that already.

Life is good for now, 3 months in. I look forward to the challenges winter will pose...all those people who tell me "you'll HATE it here in the winter!" make me want to prove them wrong sooo bad. I'm stubborn, so even if I do end up hating it, I'll be VERY reluctant to admit it. lol At least I can go cross-country skiing very nearby when we have snow..and hopefully, do some downhill skiing at some point as well!! YEAH!! My body is craving some good snow-skiing...it's been waaay too long since I've shot down some good slopes (let's see who has a dirty mind).

Alright...enough random shit...I gotta work my abdominals....

US Open ends; TV 2005-2006 Season begins

So the US Open is over...it feels weird. I can't believe how much fuckin tennis I watched!! Geez... but Sunday's men's final was awesome. Agassi gave Federer all he could, but when Federer went back to god-level at the end of the 3rd set, Agassi was finished. Great match..and I'm sure Agassi was a bit disappointed...but he played very well for what may have been his last US Open final.

As for the women's final Sat....well, that was about as exciting as trimming my armpit hair. I did love Clijsters' jump into the stands after she won...a great Open moment, for sure! She's awesome...but I still hate that she took out some of my fave women. Well, I guess I'll be watching the Davis Cup next.

The 2005-2006 TV Season:

It's that time again...when all of our favorite fictional characters return to the boob tube for new episodes. WOOHOO!!! Here are the shows I'm gonna be watching:

Family Guy premiered on Sunday with a hillarious episode...my favorite part was Stewie remembering playing Marco Polo with Helen Keller. lmao

Tonight, the Gilmores are back in action...will Luke say "yes" to Lorelai's proposal?...will Rory make up with her mom (I hope not for a while...I like her living with Emily and Richard!! lol)?...will the crazy Stars Hollow residents still be as loony as usual? Bring it on!

Then, Supernatural premieres...I've been highly anticipating this new series that has been described as a horror movie in each episode. The producers hope to scare the shit out of us viewers...and I hope they succeed...I love me some good horror!! YEAH!!!

Next week, Lost returns for Round 2...what in the hell is behind that damned hatch??? will the guys on the raft survive? will we learn more about the island's mysteries? I can't wait!

Invasion follows Lost...another new show...about an alien invasion (obviously). It's supposed to be another thriller, which is awesome! And i'm giving it a chance since ABC has been on fire lately. Come on, scare me...give me chills...make me hide under the sheets...let's have another YEAH!!! lol

The week of Sept. 25 sees the return of the wacky Desperate Housewives...what are the African American new arrivals up to? is the dead husband really dead (nooo...we never saw his body!)? will the gun-toting teen kill Lois Lane? But the BIG question is: will we see more of Ryan Carnes? heh heh

Also that week, Alias returns...if Sydney and Vaughn didn't survive the car crash, I'll eat my left foot...really, I will...I've got the barbecue sauce sitting in the fridge. Anyway, I'm sure they will survive..and then we'd better find out soon what's up with faux-Vaughn. We'd also better see more of Irina, Sydney's kick-ass mom (a milf, for sure)!

Finally, Everwood, is back...and so is Ephram...but is he still pissed off? Will we see more of Edna, my favorite wise-cracking, kick-ass grandma? I wish I could live there...

So let the season begin!! Don't hate me cuz I'm cool...k?

Sports: The Open Semis and Michigan

Robby Ginepri (Yahoo Sports/AP Photo-Elise Amendola)
Andre Agassi (Yahoo Sports/AP Photo-Elise Amendola)

As I'm typing this, Federer and Hewitt are just beginning their face-off for the Finals. Minutes before, Agassi won in the 5th set of another incredible men's match against Robby Ginepri (my pick to win that match). This was Agassi's third 5-setter in a row and Ginepri's record-breaking fouth 5-setter in a row. Both STILL pulled out all the stops, never facing a tiebreaker. I loved every minute of it and cheered to the hilltops for my man, Ginepri.

Yes, Agassi is a legend, but he's had his time in the spotlight. I do like him and his game, but I also like Ginepri (a bit more). We'll be seeing more of Ginepri...he took out 3 seeds (Coria, Gasquet, and Haas)...he's damn good and usually keeps his cool. It doesn't hurt that he's easy on the eyes as well! lol I very much look forward to seeing him in future Grand Slam events and will be woohoo!ing big time when he achieves his first championship. He may not be the best out there (e.g. Federer), but he's my new favorite, hands-down.

Also, I have to comment on the women's matches. My favorites, Venus and Lindsay Davenport, are missing from the semis...hell, they were missing from the quarters as well. Venus definitely had a tough match against Kim Clijsters, but she didn't have to leave us in the last set...she looked worn and beaten and clearly didn't play her best in the end. Was Davenport even at her quarters match against Dementieva (aka Demented)? There is no way the real Davenport would've lost against that little pipsqueak (who sounded like a new species of bird during her "serves" and returns). Still, neither of those were as disappointing as the Williams' sisters over-hyped match that we all knew Venus would win.

Then we had Sharapova (my third favorite) facing Clijsters as well in the semis. That was a good match (one of the few the women have offered up at the Open this year)...Sharapova had some weak moments, but she fought well (working with a healing hamstring (I think?)). Clijsters is awesome, I admit...but again, this year, Sharapova has worked her way to the top of my list on the women's side. I can't wait to see her again in future tournaments and especially in the Australian Open in January. Hopefully, Venus and Davenport will be back and ready to kick some ass then too.

Tonight, Pierce and Clijsters face off for the championship...I favor Clijsters...send that French fry home!!! YEAH!! Tomorrow, I'm sure we'll see Federer and Agassi going for the men's championship...if Agassi wins, I'll be very surprised...but I'm sure he'll do well, regardless.

The Wolverines:

Since I'm a bigger tennis fan than I am of football, I caught only a little bit of the Michigan-Notre Dame game. Analysts were right...Michigan is struggling this year...it wasn't as evident in last week's game against a lower-level team, Northern Illinois--Michigan won but with many faults that another Big 10 team would've turned seriously against them. After today, the fact that Michigan don't got game is obvious. The Irish (ranked much lower) took them out once again. Will Michigan step it up? I hope so, but it's not looking good, realistically. Maybe I'll wait and get tickets to a game next season??? lol JUST kidding...

Time for more Open!!! I'll have a life soon...heh heh

The truly Amazing Race

I just had to comment on The Amazing Race, which I've started watching on the Game Show Network at midnight every night. I normally don't care for reality shows, but this one is phenomenal.

In case you haven't heard of it or watched it before, 12 teams (usually 2 per team...this season it will be families of 4) embark on a race across the globe starting in the US and ending in the US. There are 13 "legs" (episodes) of the race...usually 10 of those resulting in the last place team for that leg being eliminated from the race.

On each leg, teams are given clues as to where they need to go to find the next clue or marker (designated by a yellow and red flag), eventually leading them to the finish line of that particular leg of the race. It's not as easy it it may sound. Most legs involve teams having to catch airplanes (since they are traveling all over the world), taxis, buses, trains, etc. They are given so much cash for each leg of the race and are to use a corporate credit card for airplane tickets only; each team has a camera man and sound man with them, so cheating is hard to get away with.

Also, during each leg, each team has to complete various tasks to find clues (marked in yellow envelopes)...these may be something that both team-members can do together, or they may be "Roadblocks", which only one person can do. Roadblocks can be tedious, and they can be daring (bungee-jumping or being tied to a windmill). Also, there are "Detours", which gives a team a choice between two tasks with vague clues as to what they are (e.g. "strong stomach" = eating live octopus!). One detour I watched involved skydiving vs. searching a river for the clue.

The first team to arrive at the "pit stop" (finishing point for a leg of the race) may receive a nice prize (vacation to be used later or digital camera, for instance) or they may just be congratulated. Of course, the ultimate champion receives $1,000,000...with the others receiving lesser monetary awards.

"Pit stops" give the teams a chance to rest, do laundry, plan, etc. They last for approximately 12 hours, sometimes longer. They also get free food at the stopping points. But they are not allowed to leave the area without supervision, so that they don't accidentally stumble onto the next leg of the race.

I love how the show has really thought everything out...the teams have to really work together and work hard to win. Of course, being human, many have arguments with themselves and with other teams. The teams are usually pretty diverse too. The show offers a glimpse of several different cultures as well...this is one show I would love to audition for...I just need to find a good teammate! lol

So you can catch it every night on Game Show Network at 9pm and midnight, and Season 8 begins on CBS Tuesday Sept. 27th at 9pm.

For a lot more info on the show and rules of the game, check out: Tarflies.com FAQ

So who wants to audition with me???

US Open Day 4 Begins

Today is the fourth day in the Open, and the weather seems to be better for the players. Yesterday, high winds made play difficult, often disrupting serve attempts. My favorites (Nadal, Venus, Serena, Sharapova, and Hewitt--those that played yesterday--are moving right along).

Raphael Nadal of Spain (AP Photo/Gregory Bull)

Scoville Jenkins of USA (AP Photo/Gregory Bull)

The match between Nadal and Jenkins was my favorite of the matches I watched yesterday (which was more than a few! lol). Sure, there was a rain delay that caused the 2 hr.+ match to last well past midnight, but it was so much fun to watch!!

Jenkins really has some spunk and gave Nadal a run for his money. Nadal has more stamina, and that was one of his main advantages. He is a right-hander, but I heard last night that he was trained to be play left-handed, which has definitely payed off well for him. I think both he and Hewitt have the ability to give Federer a solid match. And even though Nadal isn't the cutest guy out there, he looks the sharpest (I actually love his clam-diggers and tight sleeveless shirts...good taste! lol). He's cocky, for sure, but I can't help but smile when he does his backwards dances and pumps his arm. He knows he's good.

As for Jenkins, he is up and coming and without a doubt, he will become a force to be reckoned with. This guy has so much potential, and I really enjoyed seeing him play. He's also from my point of origin (Atlanta, GA). Woohoo! Seeing his dad show so much enthusiasm (that dude is the polar opposite of the Williams' parents as far as showing emotion lol) was nice to see as well. I look forward to seeing Jenkins in the future...this guy will definitely win some events in the future, if not a Grand Slam event.

So that brings us to today, as Round 2 continues for most...Davenport and Agassi are up this afternoon, and tonight, I think Mauresmo's and Blake's matches ought to be fun to watch. Let's do it!

US Open...Upset and Excited

Today is the third day of the US Open, as the First Rounds conclude and Second Rounds begin. And so far, two major upsets have occurred.

AP Photo/Daniel P Derella (from Yahoo Sports news)

Most recently (last night), Andy Roddick lost a heated match to opponent Gilles Muller. Muller consistently forced Roddick to use his weak backhand and also answered many of Roddick's fireball serves. It was an intense 3 sets (all with tie-breakers!), for sure, and I'm sure Roddick is still reeling that THAT was a first round...and it was his birthday...that really bites. Well, if Muller makes it to Federer, I'm sure he'll then get his ass kicked all the way back home.

Also, Svetlana Kuznetsova (defending US Open women's champion), lost in her first round to Ekaterina Bychkova, another Russian. I didn't get to watch this match, but wow...she became the first defending women's champion in the US Open to lose in the first round.

My other favorites are moving right along: Venus and Serena play their second rounds today; Lleyton Hewitt is leading in his first round against Albert Costa as I write this; Roger Federer sailed right through his first round (of course!); Lindsay Davenport faced some good competition but won her first round last night; Andre Agassi is heading into his second round; and Maria Sharapova pummelled her opponent as well.

Matches I will try to watch today: Sharapova vs. Randriantefy (damn, that's a hard one!), Venus vs. Kirilenko, Serena vs. Castano (tonight), and Nadal vs. Jenkins (also tonight).

I think it's pretty much a given that Federer will walk away as champion once again in the Men's, but I'm not really sure who will be the Women's champ...tho I'm most rooting for Venus and Davenport.

Alright, this serve's for you! Looking forward to even more excitement as the Open continues!!!

Images/comments on Katrina

So, Katrina came ashore today for the 3rd time (once in South FL, again near New Orleans, and again in Mississippi)...and what havoc it wreaked. It's times like these that remind us that Mother Nature is in charge and that we can only run or brace for impact during her wrath.

This particular storm, once a Category 5 on the Saffir-Simpson Scale (with 175 mph winds at one time), may have caused at least $16 billion in damages (according to yahoo.com); it could also become the costliest U.S. storm in history. New Orleans is being called a wilderness by some...no power, no water, no gas...water everywhere...buildings damaged/destroyed, and residents are being told not to even think about returning for at least a week. It's really hard to contemplate...and I feel for those people.

The storm is now projected to pass through to the Northeast U.S., affecting the weather (to a lesser extent, obviously) in the Midwest along the way. Since hurricane season lasts until November, it's likely that at least a couple more storms will develop.

If you like learning about weather phenomena, CNN has a good web page with the basics (the list of names for this year, how hurricanes form, etc.): http://www.cnn.com/SPECIALS/2005/hurricanes/index.html

Here are a few images I found in the Yahoo images that give a glimpse of the aftermath of Katrina:

Notice that the boat is not in the water, but on a highway.