February 23rd Randomosity

This is so cool! From CNN.com's Offbeat Images, "A group of 400 skydivers from 31 nations and the Royal Thai Air Force get together over Thailand's northern province of Udon Thani on Wednesday, February 8, to create the largest-ever connected skydiving formation. The old record was a formation of 357 jumpers. The record attempt was organized as part of celebrations marking the 60th anniversary of the coronation of revered King Bhumibol Adulyadej."

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Interesting News Articles

20 inches of snow is nothing compared to 20 inches of pig manure!

Stupidity wins again: Injured woman can sue Postal Service

How to total a Ferrari: Million-dollar Car Crash Mystery

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Website:

I found it pretty interesting that 19 states (TX is no longer included) permit first-cousin marriages, and others permit it under special conditions. The South isn't doing too well in shaking off certain stereotypes!! lol

Happy V-Day!

I found a couple of good jokes and some interesting articles all related to Valentine's Day:


Articles:

American singles give cold shoulder romance: survey - I found the poll results intriguing, especially the 3% who have found happy relationships through online services.

"Missed Connections" site offers Valentine hope - Sounds like a cool website...I wonder if it would figure into the 3%.

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Jokes (from Comedy Central.com):


Vetoed Valentine Promotions


Valentines Day is here again, and with it the perfect opportunity for marketing departments the world over to romance investors and donors with Valentine-themed promotions! Here are some that didn’t quite make it off the drawing board:

Nevada State Tourism Board: “Nothing Says I LOVE YOU Like Legalized Prostitution and Gambling” T-shirts, baseball caps, and coffee mugs.

Ku Klux Klan: * Valentine’s Day Heart Burning, co-sponsored by Alka Seltzer

Vatican Public Relations Office* “Naughty Altar Boy” limited edition ceramic figurine

American Heart Association* Chocolate heart with marshallow-filled arteries. Simultaneously a touching token of love and a serious warning to an overweight sweetheart.

Daughters of the American Revolution* Illustrated Kama Sutra featuring George and Martha Washington. Comes with authentic period wooden dental dam.

PETA* Spray Paint a Red Heart on Joan Rivers’ Coat Competition
National Society of Organ Donors* “My Heart Belongs to You (As Soon As I’m Brain Dead)”
cards.

Department of Homeland Security* Moving the Valentine’s Day National Warning System Code Red for a “High Risk of Lovin’”


For those who are single and bitter:


Ode to Valentine's Day


Hearts and roses and kisses galore...
What the hell is that schtuff for
People get mushy and start acting queer
It's definitely the most annoying day of the year.

This day needs to get the hell over with and pass.
Before I shove a dozen roses up Cupid's ass.
I'll spend the day so drunk I can't speak
And wear all black for the rest of the week.

Guys act all sweet but soon it will fade…
For all they are doing is trying to get laid.
The arrow cupid shot at me must not have hit,
Because I think love is a bunch of $#!+.

So there's my story...
what can I say…
Love bites ass...
SCREW VALENTINE'S DAY!


And to those of you that have valentines, have fun!

Naughty Netflix, Bottleneck Cities, & 4-wheelin Bank Robber

Interesting News Articles:

I used to have an account with Blockbuster online and started renting more and more movies. I noticed an eventual increase in shipping times but didn't really think too much of it. Also, if I was renting a season of a tv show, discs would start to arrive out of order, forcing me to hold Disc 6, for instance, while waiting for 4 and 5 to arrive. Today, I came across an article about Netflix' tricky practice that explains what Blockbuster was intentionally doing. It kinda pissed me off...Netflix's Best Customers Penalized


Worst Cities for Traffic - This article discusses findings by the Texas Transportation Institute. According to the Institute, the top 12 cities for worst traffic are:

1) Los Angeles, Long Beach, Santa Ana, Calif.
2) San Francisco, Oakland, Calif.
3) Washington, D.C.
4) Atlanta - HA! I KNEW it was bad!!
5) Houston - remember the Rita evacuation snafu last summer?
6) Dallas, Fort Worth, Arlington, Tex.
7) Chicago
8) Detroit
9) Riverside, San Bernardino, Calif.
10) Orlando, Fla.
11) San Jose, Calif.
12) San Diego


Drive-in Bank Robbery - an unusual way to rob a bank

February 9th Randomosity (a Bush word)

February is turning out to be a lot colder than January, but I guess this is more normal for a Michigan winter! Anyway...I've had kind of an interesting week, getting to travel out to Jackson for training classes for the job. I just love visiting the "birthplace of the Republican Party"...I make sure I spit on the sign every time I pass it..heh heh.

Tuesday, I accidentally threw my car keys into a dumpster along with my trash bag, so for the first time in my life, I got to go dumpster diving!!! Fortunately, it was relatively empty...and I did kinda enjoy putting my gymnastic abilities to use. I also had a rather embarrassing incident in the training class when I dozed off for a second (oops)...but no worries, my body apparently has this built-in alarm clock in my ass for just such an occasion!

And for any of you who have Valentines, Kroger is offering a 3-for-1 special on cards...so you can, according to the announcement, hide 2 around the house for fun, leading to the 3rd, and she/he will apparently love all three. Fun stuff!

I thought I'd throw some other crazy shit into this blog entry...enjoy:

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Website:

My Heritage.com- This website has a face recognition program that tries to analyze a photo you submit; it compares you to celebrities and regular people who also have pics posted on this site. I was quite pleased to know that I resemble Nadia Comaneci (58%), Colin Powell (53%), M. Night Shyamalan (45%), and others...yeah, I was bored. I guess this is proof that I do NOT look like Jude Law, as many say.

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In the News:

Baby feeds on dog's milk - kids do the darndest things...

Balloon in car creates XL explosion - this gave me a really good belly laugh

Mouth-to-beak - CPR for a chicken

Robots race camels in Kuwait - this also gave me a good laugh (thanks to Jim for the link!)

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The Winter Olympics begin tomorrow night in Italy...you name the event, I'll probably be watching (even the scandalous figure skating!). Here's a pic from CNN's Offbeat Images of a skywriter's version of the Olympic rings that I thought was cool:

Photogenic Hillary & Interesting Websites

When you're famous, you never know when someone's going to snap a shot like this of you...I wonder if Hillary will use this photo for her 2008 campaign. (from Yahoo Images)

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Websites:

Grills By Paul Wall - Jewelry for your teeth

The Slanket.com - "The Best Blanket Ever"

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So the Super Bowl is Sunday in Detroit, and the snow will be back just in time!! Should be interesting...it does look like there are some fun things to do downtown. I really want to do some outdoor ice skating...it's been way too long. As for watching the biggest event in the universe, apparently, I may leave it on for background noise or something...or rent a movie. I do hope Seattle wins, though...those water-logged people need a ray of sunshine.

Changing the subject, I'm kinda bummed about news regarding 2 of my favorite tv shows. First, with the WB and UPN merging in the Fall to become the CW (what the hell?!?), it looks like Everwood is going to get the axe after only 4 seasons. It still has a chance but a slim one. It's one of the few shows out there that has been consistently excellent all across the board (writing, acting, etc.). Also, ABC has no room in its schedule to fit Alias when it's supposed to return in March...kinda weird, considering it's already known that this is its final season for sure. Maybe the final episodes will be released in the summer??? Who knows...stupid network politics!!

The Winter Olympics begin in a week!!!! WOOHOO!!

One Man Cometh, One Man Goeth, One Man Stayeth

So today is one of those days that is kind of important in history...Alan Greenspan's long reign came to an end; Judge Alito was confirmed (unfortunately) to the Supreme Court--Sandra Day O'Connor at least will finally be able to retire and pursue skydiving or scuba diving as a hobby; and Pres. Bush presents the 2006 State of the Union tonight, attempting to wow us once again with his remarkable public-speaking skills. Also, it looks as if Iran is going to throw a temper tantrum soon...who knows, maybe they'll accidentally nuke themselves?

Is it bad for me to be more excited about tonight's Gilmore Girls episode than the State of the Union address? I mean, this episode is supposed to have THE Friday Night Dinner to rule them all at the Gilmore Mansion with all hell and hillarity breaking loose. Since I'm taping it, this will be a great follow-up to the Bush speech...oh yeah!! lol


Before I end this entry, I did come across some completely unrelated articles that made me laugh and that I have to share:

The first is an article about a guy who tripped over his shoelace and smashed priceless vases in a museum...

The second is about a group that decided to have a party in a post-mortem room in a hospital.


And tomorrow begins February...only 28 days...and who cares about the middle one, right?

The Australian Open Ends...

So the 2006 Australian Open has sadly come to a close. I was lucky enough to be able to watch a good bit of it live...and I may have seemed like an addict, watching at late/early hours of the day..glued to the set sometimes.

Roger Federer (Yahoo Sports/David Gray)

The men's final between Federer (who else) and unknown Baghdatis opened with two very intense sets. When Federer lost the first set, I started to get worried. After all, Baghdatis had taken down Roddick, Nalbandian, and Ljubicic. Fortunately, Federer cranked it up a notch and took back the 2nd set and sailed through the 3rd and 4th to win his 7th Grand Slam!! Fun match to watch...Baghdatis is one to watch in future tournaments, for sure; seems like a very cool guy as well! Federer now is halfway to reaching the record 14 Grand Slam wins that Sampras achieved in his day.

Amelie Mauresmo (Yahoo Sports/Getty Images/Clive Brunskill)

The women's final was the most disappointing match I've ever witnessed (complete opposite of last year's Wimbledon final). Justine Henin-Hardenne, who was quite obviously not playing at her normal level with which she beat Davenport and Sharapova, called it quits because of stomach pains. This, after being getting her ass kicked hard by Mauresmo...based on her comments and how she looked afterwards, she most definitely could've hung in there for 4 more games to let Mauresmo win in a proper manner. It was really cheap, in my opinion, for the bitch..er, H-H to sit out because she wasn't playing as well as she should be due to her discomfort. Ugh!! Mauresmo won her first major title, though...despite the bittersweet ending of the match. Awesome!

Just another comment regarding Mauresmo: H-H was not her only opponent to retire in this tournament (Clijsters out with an ankle injury, and Krajicek out with heat exhaustion). Maybe Mauresmo has taken a liking to dark magics or something? Hmmm...that's the Buffy fan in me talking...yeah, I know...dork.

There weren't all that many exciting matches in this tournament, and it sucked to see many of my favorites go down early. Next up in the Grand Slams is the French Open (May 29 - June 11) in Paris. Clay play..woohoo!!

The next big sport event I'm greatly anticipating is the Winter Olympics...I love, love, LOVE the winter sports!!! As for the Super Bowl, I don't really care for it any more...too much of a very drawn-out production for me; the BCS is a hell of a lot more exciting than the Super Bowl! And besides, I really don't get off on seeing boobage...

HUGE Cake, Amusing Articles, & Tennis Thoughts

From CNN.com's Offbeat Images, this is the biggest ice cream cake you could hope to find. About 16 feet long, 10 feet wide, and 3 feet tall. That's a hell of a lot of ice cream!! YUM!

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In the News:

Some Chinese are so excited about going home for the Chinese New Year that they will endure wearing diapers for the trip.

An article about a nurse with an interesting way of relieving stress.

Here's an article about a guy who launched his prosthetic legs at a cop. THAT would've been hillarious to see!

First, a guy tries to drive in a carpool lane with a dummy (link in a previous post--good luck finding it!), then this woman tries to find another loophole involving her unborn child.

Hide-and-seek becomes hide-and-stuck (I am so cheesy) in a washing machine.

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Tennis (Aussie Open):

Just to show you how devoted I am to my faves...I woke up at 2am, took a fun drive through downtown Ann Arbor (finding an alternate route from work to home too!!), went to Kroger, then came home to watch my fave tennis lady, Lindsay Davenport, fall to Belgian waffle Justine Henin-Hardenne (from 3:30 to 5:30). Even my dog thought I was crazy, but it was quite fun!! Well, watching Davenport lose wasn't... I feel satisfied in knowing that H-H will be given a strong heave-ho by Sharapova. But you know, I really don't know which lady will win this weekend. I predict Hingis vs. Sharapova in the Final.

As for the men, Federer gave me a scare with his 5-setter in the Round of 16 (since he statistically does bad with 5-setters). I'm still counting on him being in the Final against Nalbandian.

As for my favorites that were ousted...Roddick tried, Hewitt wasn't at his best at all, Ginepri also wasn't at his best, and don't get me started on the Williams sisters. I still want to root for them, but it's hard when it's becoming more and more obvious that tennis is no longer their passion.

And Nadal and Agassi have been missed, for sure...

Real-life Humorous Incidents and a Joke

Here are a few funny incidents/jokes I've collected over the past week that I wanted to share:

The first two are from my Stupidest Things Ever Said calendar...

"RECYCLED FLUSH WATER UNSAFE FOR DRINKING"
-warning label on public toilet, Ann Arbor, Michigan

That explains the bad breath of many of my customers at the bank...

"I want to thank my friend, Senator Bill Frist, for joining us today....He married a Texas girl, I want you to know. Karyn is with us. A West Texas girl, just like me." (President George W. Bush)


From an old Bonehead of the Day Calendar:

"We didn't believe this one until we confirmed it. A Christchurch, New Zealand, man stapled his penis to a crucifix and then set it on fire to win a 'how far will you go' contest with a $500 winning prize and a $500 bar tab."

"The Canadian Press reported that three restaurant robbers took a store's safe and, with great difficulty, hoisted it into the trunk of an employee's car only to see it fall out as they hit a speedbump as they sped away. Not wanting to put it back into the trunk again, they began ramming the safe with the car to get it open, according to police who had plenty of time to arrive and watch the show."


One last one from an e-mail a friend sent me:

Mujibar was trying to get a job in India.
The Personnel Manager said, "Mujibar, you have passed all the tests, except one. Unless you pass it you cannot qualify for this job."
Mujibar said, "I am ready."
The manager said, "Make a sentence using the words Yellow, Pink and Green."
Mujibar thought for a few minutes and said, "Mister manager, I am ready."
The manager said, "Go ahead."
Mujibar said, "The telephone goes green, green, green, and I pink it up, and say, 'Yellow, this is Mujibar.'"
Mujibar now works as a technician at a call center for computer problems. No doubt you have spoken to him.

More Random Pictures

Warning: some of these pictures contain extreme dorkiness...viewer discretion is advised!

Me and a bowl of dry Honey-Nut Cheerios...and I still love them that way!

Yeah, it's small...but this is a rare event: me catching a fish!!

What I want to be doing right now!! I think that was in Aspen, CO in the mid-90s (I'm the one on the right).

Lounging in my grandparents' front yard, once a summer/fall afternoon ritual...I kinda miss those days (late 90's).

One of the best days of my life...even tho it poured all 3-4 hours, and we were told we were rafting in dangerous conditions...what a thrill!!!! (1995)

At my parents' house about to head to work as a scarecrow on Halloween (2003).

Not a costume...and I think there's a snowball in my gloves. (mid 90s)

Graduation from Berry College...Green Hall (the business school) in the background. That's my short family. (2002)

My grandparents...my grandmother sadly gave up her bitchin look soon after that, and that's the man who greatly influenced my sense of humor.

LOL...my bedroom at my parents' house before I moved out...I was a bit of a Star Trek fan once upon a time.

And the other 2 walls were just as covered...

Riding some awesome waves on a fish raft in Hawaii with a good friend...doesn't get much better than that!

The Australian Open Begins Monday!

Don't you just love time zones? I believe Melbourne is approximately 16 hours ahead of us in the Eastern Time Zone. Imagine THAT jet lag...wow.

Thankfully, we have ESPN 2 to cover the Open, since the major networks don't really think it is a big crowd-pleaser like Wimbledon and the US Open. Because of the time difference, coverage begins Sun. night 7pm - midnight, which should be live. Just because it's First Round doesn't mean there won't be some exciting matches. After all, Andy Roddick was ousted in the First Round of the US Open, as was the defending women's champion, I believe.

It's sad to see that Agassi and Nadal are out with injuries, but I guess this will give Roddick more of a shot at making it to the Final. I believe Federer will win this time around...he's still not showing any sign of letting up. As for the women, Clijster would've been my pick, but she's got an injury she's working with...so either Pierce or Davenport could pull it off.

I love printing out the Draws and filling in the winners of each round...because I'm weird..duh!!

Here's the schedule from the official site (in Australian/Melbourne time): schedule Ginepri and Davenport's matches are at the same time, so no Ginepri eye-candy for me till later on in the Open (I'm hoping this very skilled dude will make it as far as he did in the US Open...he's awesome AND hot!!).

If you don't hear/see me in the next 2 weeks, you'll know what I'm doing...heh heh. This is my absolute favorite sport to watch/play...I LOVE the grand slam events!!!

Bring it on!! And in just a month's time, the Winter Olympics will be here (and oh, how I love just about every event...even the scandalous figure skating isn't that bad (compared to gymnastics!)). BOOYAH!!!

If you read through all this, you must be a tennis fan too, like humoring me, or you are incredibly bored lol.

One More Article...

Very brief posting here...I wanted to share one more hillarious article that Jim shared in a comment on my last post:

Man's static jacket sparks alert - for some reason, this article hit my funny bone just right, and I was laughing so hard that I had a hard time breathing. I so wish I could link my imagination to a tv screen...then everyone would see why I find some things so friggin funny.


And today in my part of Michigan, it was 52 degrees and sunny...very warm for Jan. here and so wonderful!! I spent quite a bit of time outside enjoying it...it might be a while before a day like this comes again.

Only a few days till the Australian Open begins (minus Nadal and Agassi, unfortunately)!!!

Funny News Articles & a Joke

News Articles of Interest:

Man Sets Self on Fire in Courtroom - This dude must be a fellow Aries since he has such a fiery personality (how's THAT for cheesy?!?!)

Man Beats Jellyfish, Vomiting in Swim - I found Nemo...he pulled a Little Mermaid and really wants to be a fish again.

Ocean View - as soon as the poison works - Another person who is really drawn to the sea.

Chained Artist Forced to Hop It - This is why not to chain your legs together in the desert.

Mouse Sets House Ablaze - So what if a house burned down...it's still funny how it happened.

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From Comedy Central's Joke of the Day:

Redneck Bubblebath


Q: How does a redneck take a bubblebath?
A: He farts in a puddle.

Crass, I know..but still funny, right?

Me vs. Ice, Round II

This morning was one of those where I got in the car, drove onto the street, and said, "Oh shit!" At 7:45am, no roads (including major I-94) were salted, and freezing rain was happily falling from the sky to make things not so fun. The scene: accidents scattered about, people spinning out, my car doing lots of fish-tailing, and driving at a crawl and eventually coming to a dead-stop on US-23 for a while.

Let's just say I was not very pleased by our road crew's slow response to the weather this morning. If you had been in the car with me, you may have heard some expletives. I will admit, I was a little anxious during the drive. I was actually glad to be sitting still on 23 for about an hour! lol I even had radio personality Brian Farrar, whoever he is, to keep me company...hearing about stupid courses colleges offer...very entertaining.

I arrived at work around 10:15, 2.5 hours later (as opposed to the usual 15 min.). BUT the key word is arrived...no fender-benders, no careening off into a ditch..whew! I, a relatively-new Michigander, managed fine on the ice!! All those people who saw my GA license plate probably thought I wouldn't make it...so, BOOYAH!!!

I feel like I deserve a ribbon or plaque or something. I mean, there were, according to the radio, at least 30 accidents of varying degrees out there! At the very least, my bank could give me a raise or a day off! Yeah....sure... No one else could make it to work today...so I get to sit here and twiddle my thumbs all by myself for the next 5 hours. Woohoo!

Today's ice incident has only made me stronger, as per the old adage, right?

If you read this, you must really be bored, but thanks for humoring me! ;-)

Drama Queen version of my Title: "I Thought I was going to DIE!!!!"

ME: The Early Years II

Here are some more pics of me as a little guy:

Pimp my ride.

Why I wasn't an artist (I think that's the flag?)...and that's the old piano that brought my musical talent alive.

Hello Kitty?!?! Come on!! This must be an altered photo...

I'm in the back, dressed as Hordak from She-Ra (I actually remember that!), my sis in front (the one with the pointy hat heh heh), a witch dummy next to her, and my mom as Elvira.

I used to think it was cool to put on fake glasses, not knowing that in a few years, I'd need real ones...

Look Mom, I'm a bean pole!

At the 1991 Citrus Bowl with my dad to see GA Tech beat Nebraska to tie for the National Championship (back before the BCS began, I think). And man, do I look like a big dork or what...look at those shades!!

ME: The Early Years

I am currently watching the Orange Bowl (awesome game...go Lions!!) and was going through some old pics my dad sent me. I thought I'd post a few to show what I looked like a looong time ago...

My mom back in 1980...she didn't yet know I'd grow a little taller over the years.

My country tis of thee...

My first vehicle...my dad liked to push me around in diaper boxes.

I wish I was still that cute!!

My grandmother kisses me good night as I hold onto my fave stuffed animal, Old Bird (I never had a teddy, just a bird)

And the Lions won the Orange Bowl...BOOYAH!!!! GREAT game...look forward to the Rose Bowl tomorrow night. Who will it be, Texas or USC? Tough call, but my bet's on Texas.

Christmas Jokes & Cool Websites

Below are some interesting websites and some hillarious jokes. I was laughing so hard at one of them that I could barely breathe...but that's probably just me cuz I'm weird like that. Merry Christmas!!


Websites:

If you ever thought your Nutcracker looked too boring, you should check out Pimp My Nutcracker.com This is so friggin cool, especially being able to give the Nutcracker an afro!

Pictures of creative mailboxes can be found at Sam's Mailbox Pictures. Some of these are pretty darn cool.

Here's Bryan Berg's website featuring his playing card sculptures: Card Stacker.com

I found the top two sites at Yahoo's Websites of the Year webpage. Some people have way too much time on their hands.

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From Comedy Central's Joke of the Day:


Christmas Songs for Shrinks


Schizophrenia: Do You Hear What I Hear?

Multiple Personality: We Three Queens Disoriented Are.

Narcissism: Hark! The Herald Angels Sing About Me!

Dementia: I Think I'll Be Home for Christmas.

Paranoia: Santa Claus is Coming to Town to Get Me.

Mania: Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town.

Depression: Silent Anhedonia, Holy Anhedonia, All is Flat, All is Lonely.

Personality Disorder: You Better Watch Out, I'm Going to Cry, I'm Going to Pout, then maybe I'll tell you why!

Obsessive Compulsive: Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell Swing, Jingle Bell Swing, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell Swing, Jingle Bell Swing, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell Rock

Suicidal: Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire

Passive Aggressive: On the First Day of Christmas My True Love Gave to Me (then took away).


Barbie's Christmas Beau


A little girl is in line to see Santa. When it's her turn, she climbs up on Santa's lap. Santa asks, "What would you like Santa to bring you for Christmas?"
The little girl replies, "I want a Barbie and a G.I. Joe."
Santa looks at the little girl for a moment and says, "I thought Barbie comes with Ken."
"No," said the little girl. "She comes with G.I. Joe, she fakes it with Ken



Proof That Santa Doesn't Exist - For Nerds!


There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the world. However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu, Jewish, or Buddhist (except maybe in Japan) religions, this reduces the workload for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million (according to the population reference bureau). At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that comes to 108 million homes, presuming there is at least one good child in each.

Santa has about 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 967.7 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with a good child, Santa has around 1/1000th of a second to park the sleigh, hop out, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left for him, get back up the chimney, jump into the sleigh and get onto the next house.

Assuming that each of these 108 million stops is evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false, but will accept for the purposes of our calculations), we are not talking about 0.78 miles per household; a total trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting bathroom stops or breaks.

This means Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second - 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man made vehicle, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a pokey 27.4 miles per second, and a conventional reindeer can run (at best) 15 miles per hour. The payload of the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium sized LEGO set (two pounds), the sleigh is carrying over 500 thousand tons, not counting Santa himself. On land, a conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that flying reindeer can pull 10 times the normal amount, the job can't be done with eight or even nine of them -Santa would need 360,000 of them. This increases the payload, not counting the weight of the sleigh, another 54,000 tons, or roughly seven times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth (the ship, not the monarch).

A mass of nearly 600,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance - this would heat up the reindeer in the same fashion as a spacecraft re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer would absorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy per second each. In short, they would burst into flames almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them and creating deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team would be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second, or right about the time Santa reaches the fifth house on his trip. Not that it matters, however, since Santa, as a result of accelerating from a dead stop to 650 m.p.s. in .001 seconds, would be subjected to acceleration forces of 17,000 g's.

A 250 pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim considering all the high calorie snacks he must have consumed over the years) would be pinned to the back of the sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force, instantly crushing his bones and organs and reducing him to a quivering blob of pink goo. Therefore, if Santa did exist, he's dead now. MERRY CHISTMAS!!!


How Santa REALLY Knows!


You'd better watch out,
You'd better not cry,
You'd better not pout;
I'm telling you why.
Santa Claus is tapping
Your phone.

He's bugging your room,
He's reading your mail,
He's keeping a file
And running a tail.
Santa Claus is tapping
Your phone.

He hears you in the bedroom,
Surveills you out of doors,
And if that doesn't get the goods,
Then he'll use provocateurs.

So--you mustn't assume
That you are secure.
On Christmas Eve
He'll kick in your door.
Santa Claus is tapping
Your phone.

These are a few of my favorite things...

I am friggin bored out of my mind tonight, so I thought I'd make a list of my favorite things from 2005 since only 11 days remain of it:

Favorite Movie (Comedy): The 40-Year-Old Virgin (I laughed my ass off quite a bit, as it is one of the best put-together comedies I've seen in a while...even funnier than last year's also-hillarious Mean Girls)

Favorite Movie (Drama): Brokeback Mountain (haven't seen it yet, but based on the story and that Heath Ledger hardly lets me down, I'm pretty sure it will be my fave this year).

Favorite Movie (Action/Drama): Tie between War of the Worlds and Batman Begins

Favorite Movie (Horror): Saw 2. This was much better than the first. I love the psychological aspect of this movie, and the twist at the end fits and is so satisfyingly disturbing. What a great thrill ride (and a great date movie)!

Favorite TV Show: Everwood. I realize that I miss this show and its wonderful setting/characters the most when it's on hiatus. The show that has gotten it right for 4 seasons now. It sucks that it's off the air till March!!! If Edna is the one who dies in April, I will be pissed lol. Now, more people need to buy the Season One DVD collection, so the rest of the seasons will be put on DVD! Lost is a very close second favorite.

Favorite Album: The Killers: Hot Fuss Special Edition There are only 2 songs on this album that are mediocre...the rest is awesome!! I've pretty much worn this album out...it is now my second-favorite next to Dizzy Up the Girl (Goo Goo Dolls). I very much look forward to the next album. And next year sees the release of the Goo Goo Dolls' next album!!

Favorite Purchase: My bike (in hibernation currently)

Favorite City Visited This Year: Savannah, GA. Why I never visited it before this year, I have no clue...but it and all of its recently-restored squares are beautiful. I especially loved doing the late-night Ghost Tour...spooky.

Most Memorable Event: Leaving GA for MI in June...a nice 700-mile road trip with dog and parents along for the move.

Favorite Sport Event: The excellent Wimbledon Womens Finals match between Venus Williams and Lindsay Davenport. I was lucky enough to be able to watch the record-breaking match live in its entirety. Seeing Venus leaping for joy upon claiming her prize is one of the many reasons why I love watching tennis. It is the awesomest sport ever!


If you agree with my picks, you're super cool. If you don't...well, you're not super cool. Ha!

Music Picks (Excellent Taste Guaranteed!)

Thanks to Everwood, I've discovered this excellent indie group. The song that caught my attention, "How it Ends", bookended last week's episode and is amazing. The rest of the album is either similar or very different from the style of this song.

Also thanks to Everwood, I was reminded of this guy. "Lullaby" and "Shimmer" (found on the above album), were played quite a bit during my freshman year of college (1998). I'd forgotten how much I loved those songs back then, so they are now burned into my collection. Also on the album is "You Mean Everything to Me", a wonderful, reflective song.

Another song I heard on Everwood (notice a pattern?) last week is from Lifehouse's latest album: "You and Me". Part of me is a sucker for angst-filled songs like this one, and it is truly awesome. I also think the lyrics are ones most can relate to at least once in their love lives.

Since I don't listen to the radio much, I have to rely on tv shows, friends, and VH1 to keep me updated on good music. One song that can be retired, though, is "Let it Snow".

Georgia Trip

I'm currently in sunny, warm (compared to Michigan) Georgia, preparing to depart in a few hours. It's been a FUN jam-packed trip, for sure, but I got to see almost everyone I wanted to see (sorry, Shane, Shawn, and Daniel!! You guys can try to kick my ass at a later date).

I got to spend time with some old friends, part of which included a game where I had to actually sing lyrics of a few songs (even a friggin Madonna song!! AND the Oscar Meyer jingle) --I hope to never see that bizarre game again lol. At least Tim got a nice laugh out of it all.

Another highlight was actually being able to see the GA Aquarium with the fam. It's not the most spectacular thing out there, but it does have some amazing sights to behold. We also visited the also-new Atlantic Station (a living/shopping community). How awesome it would be to be able to afford to live in a loft there!! All my fave stores and a kick-ass cinema just a walk away! And Centennial Olympic Park is just a few miles down the road. No gym yet, though...

Here are some of the pictures from the Aquarium (not my best, but what can ya do with glass and "no-flash-photography" in dimly-lit corridors?):

The outside of the Aquarium.

My mom in possession of my camera. Notice that she actually caught the whale shark coming around in the window! I always wanted to be in a pic with a whale shark!!

The huge viewing window, where the whale sharks swam around to show off their blubber.

Dad (on the left) and I are watching the fish do their thing...it's kinda mesmerizing. (Mom's in possession of the camera again here...that's TWO turnovers already!)

I believe that's a fleet of rays and an ugly fish.

One of the whale sharks (the unpopular one...cuz he doesn't have near as many fish friends as his cohort).

The popular whale shark (he/she was always surrounded by a yellow school of fish).

Another shot of the popular whale shark and his/her entourage.

African penguins...and I thought all penguins liked to be chilly. Funny that they are found in the Chilly section of the Aquarium. They were fun to watch, though!

The extraterrestrial-looking beluga whales. They loved putting on a show (like dolphins), doing lots of flips.

Since every other family was getting their picture taken at the waterfall, why not mine too?